Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel

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Memory Monday

When it came to nighttime, we broke all the rules.

Caroline was always a little fussy in the evenings, but eventually she would settle down and go back to sleep.  She breathed best on her side and with the bassinet at about a 30 degree angle.  We used blankets to prop up the mattress so that she was at a good angle, and rolled blankets beside her so that she couldn’t roll to her back or belly.  As a newborn she liked to be swaddled in her sturdy fleece swaddle at night, but soon we transitioned to long sleeved footie pajamas at night instead.  We’d then place a blanket over her to keep her warm.

I know that none of this is how you’re supposed to put an infant to bed, but it worked for Caroline so we went with it.  We learned so much from her – she followed her own rules and as we learned what she needed, we adjusted.  When you’re the mom of a baby with Trisomy 13, the parenting book has to be thrown out the window so that you can find creative ways to best support your child.

I would pull the bassinet up close to me, listen to Caroline breathe, and we would both drift to sleep.



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Memory Monday

Every day holding Caroline was such a blessing.

She was so light that you could almost forget that she was on your chest.  Her breathing was best on her side, so that was how we would always cuddle.  She slept often, fatigued by her heart condition, but only got fussy in the evenings.  She never complained about being passed around from person to person.  When she was first born she liked to be wrapped up in a swaddle, and later on she liked to have her limbs free to wiggle.  She wore a new outfit almost every day, and we would find mittens and socks to match.

She had the most amazing new baby smell and her hair was SO beautiful.  It was very curly and somehow both dirty blonde and strawberry blonde in color.  She loved to suck on her pacifier, but you had to hold it in place for her.  Sometimes she would swing her head from side to side when she didn’t want the pacifier, making the cutest noise.

Every day I told her that I loved her and kissed her forehead.  Probably a thousand times.  Every day I told her that she was a miracle baby, my miracle baby.

We will cuddle again in heaven, sweetheart.  Your mama still loves you very much.  See you soon, Miss Caroline.