Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel

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Memory Monday

Caroline had the sweetest personality.  She complained very little, even when her body was failing her.  She was happy to be passed from person to person, making it easy for everyone to hold her who had any desire.  When someone came to visit, holding her was usually a strong desire.  I am happy that everyone who wanted to hold Caroline got the chance to bond with our special, beautiful baby girl.

One thing that Caroline did not like was having her clothing adjusted.  Diaper changes were not her favorite – she did not like being exposed as some babies do.  Most of all, she hated the touch of a cold stethoscope.  Her nurses always did their best to warm up the stethoscope before taking a listen, but she still complained about having her clothes disturbed.  My husband and I got very good at listening through her clothes for the “puff” in her stomach to check that her feeding tube was in position.  She was much happier when we were able to keep her clothes on while feeding her.

Caroline loved cuddles.  We spent many hours together in a rocking chair or on the couch with her on her side pressed against my chest.  She loved looking around at new surroundings.  She loved the feel of warm sunshine.  She loved music.  She loved showing off her many girly outfits.

I love and miss everything about my sweet, precious daughter.  See you soon, Caroline.  Mommy loves you.



Memory Monday

I was excited to get outside and give Caroline some new experiences.  We had gone for a few short walks with her, and a short ride in her stroller, but I wanted to take her to the park.

My mom and I waited one afternoon until the perfect time to take her.  She had just been fed and changed, so we wouldn’t need to worry about syringes or heating breastmilk while we were out.  I packed up a bag of anything we might need – some extra diapers, blankets, and pacifiers.  I strapped her into her car seat that was attached to the stroller and we were ready to go!  However, Caroline had other ideas.  She started crying in the car seat, and didn’t let up as we walked down the drive.  Although it was the perfect day for me, Caroline had other ideas, so we turned around and went home.

A few days later the weather was nice again and I wanted to give the walk in the park another try.  At the perfect time in the afternoon, we made a similar attempt.  Again, as we went down the drive, Caroline started to cry.  Defeated, I turned around.  However, as we were almost to my door, Caroline relaxed and fell asleep.  We turned around again and were off!  The park is across the street from my apartment, and we soon made it.  Caroline did some looking around and some sleeping.  We did the small loop around the park, not wanting to press our luck, and as we passed walkers and joggers I was asked several times how old she was.  If I remember correctly, I think she was about 7 weeks old at the time.  It was nice to be out in public with Caroline and to be asked these questions.  I think it helped to validate my status as a mom.  Caroline loved the sunshine and enjoyed our walk, and after some pictures we started home.  Just as we got to my door, she started to get upset again.  I think she was getting warm from being outside for so long, so I took her out of the car seat when we got through the door and helped her to cool off.

I love that we have this memory together, of a mom and her baby doing such a normal mom and baby thing.  I love that Caroline had the chance to show her personality and be herself during her time here.  She was the sweetest little baby and I miss everything about her.  Now when I walk in the park, I carry her in my heart.