Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel


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Happy 6-Month Birthday

Today you would have been 6 months old, Miss Caroline.

It leaves me wondering what you would look like now.  If you would have started any solids by now.  What we would be doing together every day.  What your laugh would have sounded like.

It hurts to be here without you.

All the same, you have changed your parents and everyone who knew you for the better.

I am proud of you always.

I can’t wait to hold you again soon.

I love you.

 

Happy 6-Month Birthday.

 

Love,

Mom


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Memory Monday

Caroline was born early on a Wednesday morning.  By Thursday afternoon, we were told that we could take her home.  I remember being shocked to hear it… you mean BOTH of us can go home?  What an unexpected joy.  We came in to the hospital thinking that we would never take her home, but the doctors were ready to release us the day after she was born.  How incredible!

We decided to wait until Friday to leave the hospital; we were still learning to feed Caroline through her og tube and were still making arrangements for her hospice care.

The time came when all arrangements had been made and it was time to take her home.  We were unprepared to take Caroline home; we hadn’t even bought a car seat.  The thought of driving home from the hospital with an empty car seat behind us was more than my husband and I could bear.  We planned to just go out and buy one if we were able to take her home, but the hospital donated a car seat to us instead so that we wouldn’t have to go shopping.  It was very kind of them.  Our parents had been staying at our apartment while we were at the hospital, and they kindly got us all the essentials that we would need.  Everything was ready for Caroline to come home.

My husband went to get the car so that they could show him how to install the base of the car seat.  He told me later that when he got to the car, he cried for a few minutes because he just couldn’t believe that we were really taking our daughter home.  He pulled himself together and brought the car up to the doors of the hospital and installed the base.  He then came back up to our room and they showed us how to strap Caroline into the car seat.  She was dressed in a pink dress with little pink socks and a pink hat.  Our princess was ready to go!  We said goodbye to the nurses and took the last few pictures in L&D room 5.

I had to leave in a wheelchair, and one of the nurses wheeled me through the halls.  My husband carried Caroline in her car seat.  I was tearing up the whole time and beaming – we were going home!  I remember seeing Caroline’s eyes widen as we walked the halls; she had never left our room and was seeing more of the world than she ever had.  We got down to our car, clicked in the car seat, and we were on our way!

I sat next to Caroline and she did great.  My husband drove the most careful 10 minutes he ever has and we arrived at our door.  We then realized that the people at the hospital had never shown us how to take the car seat out of the base – but how hard could it be?  Well… we couldn’t figure it out!  There were 6 adults standing around this car seat, searching for a button or latch and finding nothing!  After a few minutes of struggling I unbuckled Caroline and took her inside.  My husband and dad had to take out the whole unit to figure out where the latch was located.  The directions were on the bottom of the car seat of course, hidden from view when you’re a new parent struggling to figure it out.

This was our first laugh at home as a family, and I will never forget it.