Today is an annual symposium. It probably didn’t fall on this same date last year, but it is a reminder all the same. Last year, I had planned to go to the symposium for a few hours and leave Caroline with her grandma, but I never made it.
The date of this event last year was the first day since Caroline’s hospital stay that she was unstable. It was the first time I noticed that her hands and feet were cool and slightly swollen. Those were the first physical signs of her heart condition. Caroline’s body was starting to fail her and there was nothing I could do to help her. It was the day that I broke down in front of Caroline’s nurse, upset that there was nothing I could do.
I had no idea how much time we’d have, and was afraid that she would continue to decline quickly. Instead, she stayed stable for almost another month. In fact, her swelling went down. Caroline continued to be the happy, sweet baby she had always been, and I began to smile again.
Every second with my strong daughter was cherished, and today I absent-mindedly find myself wishing I could heal her, remembering this day one year ago. My head knows that she is completely healed in the arms of Jesus, but my heart still aches.