Caroline’s soft curls were so incredibly beautiful. They were stunning after a bath, forming golden ringlets atop her perfect head. I would kiss my precious, gorgeous girl, and stroke her curly hair as I repeated, “I love you,” over and over.
After three days in the hospital, we were all ready to go home. As I was wheeled out the door, my husband carried Caroline in her car seat. I distinctly remember her eyes during the walk to the car. They were so wide and alert as we walked the halls of the hospital. She was leaving the delivery room for the first time, and taking in all of the new sights with wonder. She was filled with life, on her first adventure.
Those eyes are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They let you see right through to her beautiful soul. Caroline’s eyes and her gorgeous curly hair were enough to melt your heart. She truly was an angel here on earth.
Missing you every second, Miss Caroline.
I remember Caroline’s first bath in the hospital. It was the day we were leaving, since Caroline’s temperature had been too low until then for a bath. She loved being under the heat lamp, but was not too happy to feel the warm, soapy cloth on her skin. However, she loved having her hair washed. She was like a lady at the spa, enjoying her massage. Her daddy and I took turns soaping up our little miracle. My mom took pictures. We all teared up. We then got her dressed in her going-home outfit: a pink dress with pink socks and a pink hat.
When we took Caroline home, we continued with sponge baths for a while. Once we could see her beautiful belly button, I splurged on a whale-shaped tub so that she could have her first real bath. We filled it with water and made sure the temperature was warm but not too warm. When we first put Caroline in the water, she was upset and cried. By the end of that first bath, she was getting used to the idea of lying in water and had calmed down.
Soon, Caroline loved her bath time. We would place her in the water and she would fall asleep. She had such a peaceful way of enjoying her baths. After she was done, we’d get her dressed and cuddle. Her hair was the curliest right after bathtime and smelled heavenly. My little girl was perfect in every way.
Every day holding Caroline was such a blessing.
She was so light that you could almost forget that she was on your chest. Her breathing was best on her side, so that was how we would always cuddle. She slept often, fatigued by her heart condition, but only got fussy in the evenings. She never complained about being passed around from person to person. When she was first born she liked to be wrapped up in a swaddle, and later on she liked to have her limbs free to wiggle. She wore a new outfit almost every day, and we would find mittens and socks to match.
She had the most amazing new baby smell and her hair was SO beautiful. It was very curly and somehow both dirty blonde and strawberry blonde in color. She loved to suck on her pacifier, but you had to hold it in place for her. Sometimes she would swing her head from side to side when she didn’t want the pacifier, making the cutest noise.
Every day I told her that I loved her and kissed her forehead. Probably a thousand times. Every day I told her that she was a miracle baby, my miracle baby.
We will cuddle again in heaven, sweetheart. Your mama still loves you very much. See you soon, Miss Caroline.