Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel


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Memory Monday

Caroline was a girly girl who knew what she wanted.  

We dressed her in a new outfit almost every day because her daddy kept going Caroline shopping and family and friends sent outfits.  Caroline was always in style.  She loved her outfits but hated being changed; she did not like to be naked.  She liked to be comfortable and warm, wrapped up in the outfits bought with love and the blankets made just for her.  

Caroline always let us know when she needed something, and we spent many hours walking her around the house so that she could look around or wiggling her on our laps like jello.  The jello wiggle always calmed her down when she was fussy.  We spent the majority of our time together cuddling on the couch and rocking in her rocking chair.  Some of my favorite moments were the quiet moments when we clung to each other and our connection was undeniable.  We had mother-daughter pure love.

Caroline, that love is still in my heart.  Mommy loves you so much!

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Memory Monday

When Caroline was born, everyone who could make the trip came to see her. Her aunt and uncle spent hours and hours on the train – in fact more hours traveling than visiting – just to see our little miracle. Aunts, uncles, and cousins spent hours in the car coming to see her. Grandparents drove overnight for the chance to meet Caroline.

We had no idea that we would have so much more time than we expected for cuddles and sunshine. Caroline, you are so special and loved. We will never stop loving you.


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Memory Monday

We took Caroline home on hospice care, but she did very well at home and was not on any pain medications.  Around 5 weeks old, we started her on a medication for acid reflux because it appeared to be making her uncomfortable.  From what I’ve read, GI issues are common in trisomy babies.  The medication was given orally by syringe in her cheek pocket.

Caroline LOVED this medicine!  It had a syrupy cherry flavor that I’m sure made her taste buds dance because she was being tube-fed; her tongue was usually missing out on all the action.  Once she got a taste, she would start smacking her lips and we would bring over the pacifier.  She would suck for 30, sometimes 45 minutes!  Seeing her so happy and sucking on her pacifier always made me so proud.

After she took her medicine, we’d cuddle until she fell asleep.

Oh, how I miss looking down and seeing my perfect child sleeping peacefully on my chest.


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Memory Monday

Every day holding Caroline was such a blessing.

She was so light that you could almost forget that she was on your chest.  Her breathing was best on her side, so that was how we would always cuddle.  She slept often, fatigued by her heart condition, but only got fussy in the evenings.  She never complained about being passed around from person to person.  When she was first born she liked to be wrapped up in a swaddle, and later on she liked to have her limbs free to wiggle.  She wore a new outfit almost every day, and we would find mittens and socks to match.

She had the most amazing new baby smell and her hair was SO beautiful.  It was very curly and somehow both dirty blonde and strawberry blonde in color.  She loved to suck on her pacifier, but you had to hold it in place for her.  Sometimes she would swing her head from side to side when she didn’t want the pacifier, making the cutest noise.

Every day I told her that I loved her and kissed her forehead.  Probably a thousand times.  Every day I told her that she was a miracle baby, my miracle baby.

We will cuddle again in heaven, sweetheart.  Your mama still loves you very much.  See you soon, Miss Caroline.