Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel


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Memory Monday

Late nights were my shift.  I was able to tell pretty quickly each night whether we were going to have a restful or restless night.  

On the restful nights, Caroline would sleep softly in her bassinet, and I would pull it right next to me on the couch.  I would fall asleep to the sound of her breathing, the most beautiful sound, and get some rest before she woke up for her next feeding.

On the restless nights, Caroline was awake and not happy about it.  We’d spend time bouncing around the living room and rocking in her rocking chair.  I would sing to her or play her musical bunny, which she loved.  We would watch television together into the sunrise.  She’d often fall asleep in my arms, and that was just fine with me.

Holding my beautiful, sleeping daughter was always the best part of my day.


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Memory Monday

Caroline’s aunts and uncles on her daddy’s side drove out to visit us for a few days.  They were so excited to meet the niece that they didn’t know they would get the chance to meet.

Caroline is the first girl cousin in the family, and her two cousins were excited to meet her as well.  One asked his mom, “Can’t they just fix her heart?” after being told how Caroline would not be with us for long.  When I heard of this, my heart ached for him and for my family.  I wish it were that simple.

When everyone arrived, they were so thrilled to hold Miss Caroline.  Although they were nervous about her breathing, they all did well with keeping her in a good position on her side.  Her younger boy cousin was shy around her because of her cleft lip and palate, but her older boy cousin held Caroline and said, “I’m so glad we came.”  Caroline’s aunt works in children’s clothing and brought all of the New England sports gear for Caroline that we could not get here.  We dressed her in a Patriots onesie that was of course, pink.  The Patriots were the one team that I really called my own growing up, so it was special for both me and my husband to dress Caroline in her home team’s outfit.  She still kept her girly look with a matching headband.  Caroline was always in style.

This weekend we celebrated a Superbowl win, and I think Caroline was cheering with us, from heaven.  For some reason the Superbowl without her was so hard.  I cried myself to sleep every night this weekend missing her.  We were supposed to see our team win as a family, and I couldn’t shake the thought that she should be wearing another Patriots outfit, one that is much bigger.

I love and miss you, baby.  So much.