Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel

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Memory Monday

One of the first questions we received after Caroline was born was, “Who does she look like?”

At first I didn’t know.  Because of her syndrome, it was hard to compare Caroline’s features to those of her parents.  All I knew was that she was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

As Caroline grew, it became clear that she looked more like her daddy.  She had his blue eyes, and when she slept near her sleeping dad, it was obvious that they were closely related.  

Caroline had the most beautiful locks of blonde curly hair that the nurses at the hospital pointed out as rare for a newborn.  Her curly hair was from her grandmother.

One feature that Caroline inherited from me was a gift of long eyelashes.  She had naturally curled, dark eyelashes like her momma.

It was fun to see who we saw in Caroline, but it didn’t matter to us who she looked like.  She was her own person, our sweet, strong daughter who fought to spend time with her family.


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Memory Monday

I kept a journal for Caroline during my pregnancy and her life.  Not this one, but a paper, feel-in-your-hands journal with questions for my doctor’s appointments as well as letters to my precious baby girl.  I recently took it out to find my genetic counselor’s card, which inevitably led to some reading of my time with my sweet daughter.  Today’s Memory Monday is an excerpt:

12/18/13: Hi sweetheart.  Your mama has had a lot of hip pain recently but you were more active today which was reassuring and made me happy.  Today we did some Christmas shopping – got my mom a bracelet and got my dad a spatula for grilling.  Getting a present for your daddy has been difficult – I have a few ideas but nothing has worked out and I’m running out of time!

Today I made you a preemie sized tutu with green and purple tulle and pink ribbon with purple flowers.  It came out really pretty and it’s too beautiful for the onesie that inspired it so I have to get one that will better match it.  I am glad to have an outfit ready for you if you come early.  It feels like picking out your prom dress and your wedding dress and your mother of the bride dress because it may be the only outfit you wear and I want it to be beautiful just like my baby girl.

Loving you always,

Your mommy,


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Memory Monday

Looking down at Caroline’s face was by far the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.  I remember holding her for the first time and thinking that she was so perfect.  I also felt more joy than I could have felt with a healthy baby; seeing her wide eyes taking in the world beyond my womb was incredible.

This is how I have always felt about Caroline.  As she grew, she certainly changed.  Her face filled out as she gained weight and she spent much more time alert and awake.  Throughout it all, she was the most beautiful child I have ever seen.  Her big blue eyes were mesmerizing.  They say that eyes are the window to the soul; if so, then Caroline had the purest, sweetest soul around.

Being her mom is the greatest privilege that I have ever known.