Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel


Memory Monday

Last Easter was the happiest Easter that I can remember.  Caroline was dressed in a sparkly, fluffy dress adorned with flowers and we propped her in the corner of the couch for pictures.  The pictures that we captured that day showed Caroline in the most alert state that she had been in since we left the hospital.  

Easter meant so much more than it ever had before.  We knew that our time in this world with Caroline was limited and Jesus’s story gives us hope that we will be reunited in heaven.  I also identified with Mary in a way that I never had before.  She knows what it is like to lose a child.  To wish that you could die so that your baby could live.

Last Easter, we celebrated the amazing gift of Caroline’s life and the unexpected time we were able to share with her.  She is our greatest blessing.



Memory Monday

I am so grateful for every picture that we have of our dear daughter.  We had professional pictures taken immediately after Caroline was born and the day before she died.  I am ever grateful for those precious memories frozen in time and the photographers who stood by our side.

I placed something in Caroline’s hospital bag that I didn’t know if I would use.  A week or two before her due date, I had the idea to get a chalkboard and decorate it with her name and pink baby stickers.  The idea was to update the chalkboard with how old she was and to take pictures of her with it.  It would give us a way to look back and know how old she was each day.  We knew of the strong possibility of not getting a chance to take chalkboard pictures, but we hoped and prayed for some time with our little girl.

We were so thrilled to be given time together!  In the hospital, we started by taking pictures of us, Caroline, and her chalkboard every few hours.  Soon, she had survived her first day, and the chalkboard proudly read, “I made it through my first day!”  Every day from then on, we took a chalkboard picture.  “Caroline is 5 days old!”  “Caroline is 1 week old!” “Caroline is 22 days old!”  “Caroline is an 8 week old inspiration!” “Caroline is 58 days old!”  Each day, her chalkboard age declaration ended in an exclamation point, because we were thrilled to be witnessing the miracle before our eyes.  Every day, minute, and second was such a gift.

We always waited to do Caroline’s daily chalkboard picture until we had a visitor or when Caroline was most alert.  In the progression of pictures, she gets more alert the older she gets.  It was amazing to see her grow and interact with her world.  We made a collage of all of the chalkboard pictures, and it shows how loved she was and still is.  Every person who was able to visit was thrilled to be in the chalkboard picture, and the collage reminds me how loved Caroline is by so many people.

Love you forever and ever, Miss Caroline.