Tomorrow is March 1st. I really can’t believe it. Somehow I have survived the year and landed back in Caroline’s birth month.
This time of year is a whirlwind of advocacy days. February is heart month, which is now special to me because of Caroline’s congenital heart defect. February 28th is World Rare Disease Day, which is now special to me because Caroline had a condition on the list of rare diseases. March is Trisomy Awareness Month, which is now special to me because Caroline had Trisomy 13. Of course, March is the most special to me because it holds Caroline’s first birthday.
I keep thinking about what I was doing this time last year, amazed that Caroline was still with me and beginning to feel that I was ready for her birth. I knew that it meant losing her soon, which was terrifying, but I longed to see what color her eyes were and if she had her daddy’s nose. I longed to know my daughter, even if it was just to memorize her face and tell her how much I love her.
Caroline came into this world on March 26, 2014, a living miracle.
I want to celebrate the beautiful life that Caroline lived. A life full of love.
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to reach my first child’s first birthday without her here with me. I know she is in heaven without pain, but my pain still remains. I want to celebrate the beautiful life that Caroline lived. What do I do?