Mothering Caroline Grace

learning how to be the mom of an angel

Memory Monday

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Caroline played with her hands.  When we came home from the hospital, we’d first wrap her up like a little burrito, which she loved.  Soon enough, she began exploring her limbs and wanted to be more free.

My husband would lie on the couch with Caroline on his chest, and she would use her hands to prop up her head in a sweet, sleepy in class kind of way.  She discovered them and explored them.  Although her hands were clenched shut most of the time, when she was very relaxed her palms would open.  It always made me smile to see her hands so relaxed, because I knew how happy and relaxed she was for them to be that way.

Once, Caroline found a finger and sucked on it.  We took a video of her doing it – she was always amazing us.  It was so adorable – the fact that she had 6 fingers made it look like she was sucking on air, but she got that index finger in her mouth and did something that so many babies do.  It made her so happy.

At about six weeks old, we had to start putting mittens on Caroline’s hands to keep them warm.  Her hands were cold because of her poor circulation.  I was sad to take her beautiful, six-fingered hands away from her but knew that she needed her mittens.

Caroline received the sacrament of Annointing of the Sick.  Part of the sacrament involves blessed oil on the palm of the hand.  I smile when I remember our priest trying to open Caroline’s hand, and having to tell him that they don’t open on command – he would have to improvise.

I held those beautiful hands the night that Caroline went to heaven.

For hours I held her hand.

Emotionally I will never let go.

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4 thoughts on “Memory Monday

  1. I was born with six fingers on one hand and I love that strange but true fact about me and so by extension I love that about your daughter too! it takes a special person to have an extra digit or two!

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  2. Because of her Trisomy 18, my Audrey had “clenched fists.” It was an early ultrasound indicator of her extra chromosome. I loved her little fists with the index and pinkie fingers on top of her two middle fingers… I have a picture of it that hangs on my wall to this day.

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    • I have so many pictures of Caroline’s hands! They were so beautiful, like everything else about her. Caroline always waved to us in her ultrasounds – she liked to tease the doctors with her open hands. I love that you have a picture of Audrey’s hands hanging up in your home – what a lovely way to remember her.

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